Page
9
ronically,
lawyers have even adopted the subtitle "Esquire" (Esq.) which,
in feudal times, was a lesser noble a step below the Knight class.
Knights and squires, of course, looted and pillaged better than anyone.
How appropriate!
n
old days, this form of oppression often led to rebellion, which
frequently led to war. Throughout history, war has been the most
profitable enterprise known to man. Just as prostitution has been the
most profitable enterprise known to woman. But wars can benefit entire
societies and solve all types of problems — from overpopulation and
famine to inflation and lack of cheap sources of oil.
emember
the infamous Tiananmen Square "Revolution" when scores of
Chinese were massacred? China is a nation with over 1.2 billion people!
(That’s billion, with a "b.") So what if a few
hundred got shot? Ten times that number were born thirty seconds later
in Beijing alone! They breed like f~*&in’ rabbits over there!
Executive Director, Council on Asian Minnesotans
Partner, Backbraker & Harassin, P.L.L.P.
[Enrico says: Thanks for your thoughts, Ed. Always a pleasure to hear from you. Readers: Ed was Professor Emeritus of Medieval Warfare at St. Cloud State University before getting his law degree and moving on to a more lucrative profession.]
² ] Ì ] ²
Dear Mr. Paesano:
Perhaps you
have forgotten our contract as the check you gave me did not clear, but
here is the first installation of the first story I promised your
wonderful review.
Yours truly,
Mrs. Myrtle Benchfart
P.S.: I, of course, will send more…
TB Test
"Tell me a story," the punk kid in the tattered remains of a Packers jacket demanded of the bum at the corner of Sixth Street and First Avenue North. Punch drunk and not very pleased with the interruption, Old Joe drained a sixteen-ounce Special Ex and crumpled the can with his scarred right hand. His rummy blue eyes rose to the boy’s face slowly and a small stream of clear mucus ran from his left nostril to the curve of his blue upper lip where it beaded like a wet seed pearl tossed amongst swine. "Tell me a story," the kid demanded again, squatting at the curbside.
"Get away from here!" Joe pulled out another beer and popped it open. "Now," he added. The kid looked at him as he belched and farted, and a veil descended over his youth-bright eyes.
"Nowhere to go." His Packers jacket fluttered in the windchill and he stared off toward the empty train tracks behind them. "Been sleepin’ down in there… under the bridge." Old Joe looked at him then, sharply.
"No folks?"
"Not for six months now; Mama took off and Dad took out his.45. He got my sisters but I was down the hall. Then he got Jamie from next door, then himself." The kid hung his head for a second, then raised it defiantly. "But I ain’t goin’ to no school!"
"What
kinda school you thinking of?" Old Joe knew, had learned to drink
in one, had learned to throw a knife and to bear pain in a
"school" for boys. The kid shuffled his worn Nikes.
"You know what I
mean."
[End of Part I.]
[Interim editor’s note: Jordan "Vern" Van C. (photo, right) was fired from our staff for failing to meet a deadline but later rehired as "Slacker".]
The Creamed Corn Award
For
Recognition of Excellence in the field of Outstanding Achievement, the
Creamed Corn Award goes to John "The Sandman" for burying his
brand new car in a plot of wet clay and gravel in a "Do Not
Enter" zone near the Liquor Depot in Minneapolis, and
for having to pay eighty bucks to tow the thing out.
Every so often, Rivista Publishing
gives the "Creamed Corn Award" to someone, usually for doing
something outrageously stupid.
Quote
o’ the month:
"I don’t feel so well…"
—Chris "Vern"
R., after returning from Mardi Gras in New Orleans (when questioned
further, Vern elaborated: "…I don’t remember a f-*&in’
thing except titties here, titties there… oh yeah, I was told I said
‘Show me your beaver for beads’ to a bunch of chicks. I’ll have to
remember not to bring my girlfriend next year…")
Left: Christa "Crudina" was recently sighted at a party with the former editor (before his mysterious disappearance in Central America).
